May 12, I wasn't always like this.
I started out hopeful. Doe-eyed with an animated, contagious aura, I'd hit up New York bars with my girlfriends and smile at every cute guy who might be a potential relationship candidate for me.
But I'm no longer feeling positive about finding love. I've gone through more men than Leonardo DiCaprio has gone through models eh, I'm pretty damn closeand now, I'm exhausted. My life has been one long, bumpy carousel of men that didn't work out.
Dating "good" men vs "bad": the value of waiting to have sex, Psychology Today
One sparkly disappointment after another. And I hate those bitter parts of me because I don't want to be bitter. I've never been a bitter girl. I'm inherently sweet and bubbly and blindly cheerful.
Universe, I've been patient.
My formerly optimistic, hopelessly romantic soul. Love, to me, is a luxury, and the best part about it is it's FREE. There are only so many luxuries in the world that are free, and I can definitely count them on one hand. I think I deserve a luxury. I've been on the waitlist for love since my 23rd birthday, dammit.
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I know he's out there. I know I'm not going to be alone forever surrounded my poorly kept roses and apartment dust bunnies I'm too lazy to clean. But the fact remains that I'm losing faith. And I don't want to throw my hate-the-world energy onto the men I've yet to meet, because one of those men might be the one I'm waiting for.
Heartbreak changes us for the better because it makes us stronger, but it also changes us for the worse, because it leads us to wrongfully believe that the heartbreaker is the best damn card we're ever going to get dealt. I'm no longer heartbroken, just wary. If love dating or waiting man men having takes time to find, and if I believe that everyone eventually gets her moment in the sun, then when will it be my time to shine?
I've been in the dark far too long. I know the guy I've longed for will creep up on me. I've always imagined that when I'm close to meeting him, I'll feel it -- I'll feel cosmically connected to him somehow.
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But there are no signs, no signals, nothing to look forward to. And if I could just have a timetable of sorts -- if I could just know when I'll meet him -- I'd breathe easy.
Sleeping through the night wouldn't be so hard. I'd completely change my disposition and revert back to the sweet girl I always used to be.
I'm loving myself the best way I know how. My heart is open and willing and able.
True love, I'm ready for you. Hell, I've been ready.
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